Wheel ::: On Embodied Performance
Wow wow wow, I was lucky enough to attend this year's Improfest Würzburg!
The workshop I was in (where we spent most of our time over the three-day festival) was based around trusting physical impulse – slowing down, listening, becoming more physically grounded and embodied. I was delighted to notice that this kind of body work used to be way outside my comfort zone and over time (and with the right instructors!), I've actually grown to love it. Since I was a kid physical therapists and doctors (the good ones) have been emphasizing to me the importance of knowing and listening to my body - “you know your body best, haley” (really? then why are other people always telling me how to use it?), but it honestly hasn't clicked for me - even when I've understood it logically, it hasn't become something I actually enjoy and revel in - until very recently. And finally now, studying improv and theatre gives me a reason to be grateful and EXCITED about the hours of work I've had to put into 'listening to my body' from the time I was little.
Since my first week abroad (at Improvaganza in Edmonton! Way back in june!) I became instantly drawn to physical theatre as it relates to improvisation, and curious about how I could make this a part of my own study and practice. A month later I applied to a physically-oriented clown school (that supposedly welcomed diverse applicants), and was naïvely startled that they were so hesitant about my ability to participate in their program. I guess because I know my own body so well and am gaining confidence in my physical abilities, it surprises me when people don't imagine that I could participate safely in their program. Since then, part of my brain has been quietly collecting different modes of movement research and physical theatre in search of a system that will embrace and work with me. I haven't settled on one yet, but the great news is that there are many to pull from – Alexander technique, Laban, viewpoints, dance, contact impro... The more I learn and the further I stretch my project the more grateful I am that improv is such a flexible, dabble-y, and combinatory art form.
When I first got to Würzburg I had the usual wave of anxiety and doubt about navigating a new city with my wheelchair. The train station doesn't have an elevator. There are gaps between the ground and the floor of all the trams – a small step up for someone walking but a significant obstacle for a wheelchair-user. Cobblestone on wheels is freaking tough. Etc. I spent my first few days really anxious and down about it. But I surprised myself this weekend by being able to hold a huge contradiction: being quietly angry (come on world, we have to do better at this! not just here but everywhere!), and also kind of embracing the opportunity to improve some practical skills. The first thing I instantly improved was accepting and asking for help, which is really difficult for me (that's a topic for an entire zine in and of itself), and now I'm also improving a lot of physical skills and confidence – hopping up small curbs, wheeling over uneven surfaces, etc. These little things can be tricky to master as a part-time wheelchair user because I am technically able to avoid the discomfort and awkwardness of failing at them, since I can get up and stand if I really need to (which carries with it its own discomfort and awkwardness, of course). But perhaps spending the weekend in physical theatre mode made me feel more adventurous about improving wheelchair skills? It also helps that Würzburg is generally flat, friendly, and safe – it has some obstacles but not so many that I'm constantly discouraged. Enough to work with and learn from; I think I'm just where I need to be. :)
I also surprised myself in our workshop this weekend by playing in my chair a lot more than usual. (Probably spent almost half the time in it, half the time out of it). I rarely get to work in my chair in improv studios and theatres are inaccessible, so I don't have much practice or confidence playing and performing with it. Any time I do use it I sort of feel like I'm doing it because I “should” instead of genuinely wanting to. But the AMAZING organizing team for the festival made sure to put me in an accessible workshop room – a beautiful studio with light-filled windows and wide, smooth floors – and this plus the calm, supportive environment plus newfound physical strength made wheeling just as (and sometimes more) exciting, expressive, and enjoyable as walking. There were exercises where I looked at stella and thought 'hey, this would be way more fun wheeling' and just went for it. This was such a breakthrough for me!
At the beginning of a contact / movement jam, our instructor invited me to share how I like to use my wheelchair in these settings and how others can interact with it (can they sit in it? push it? lean against it? etc). I gave my usual short speech – most things are fine, others can sit in it some, and the one thing I Do Not Like is being “stroller-pushed” because it means I have no control of my own movement. Later a classmate approached me to let me know that comment really clicked for her, and that she now understood why I so dislike being pushed in my chair. We had a brief chat about how impro asks us to give up control, which is a good and important practice, but also how empowering and great it is to feel in control of one's own body and movement, especially in the context of a physical theatre class. I really appreciated that she gave me this feedback because it was such a relief (I am always wondering how others receive my explanations), and it also clarified two important things for me:
so much of the work (and joy) of having a disability is communicating about disability
there are so many reasons that disability and improv are useful to each other.
love,
haley
acknowledgements:
As always, so so so many thanks to so many amazing buddies! All y'all who I've had some version of this conversation with and who have supported me in some way, I hope you know who you are and how much I care about you. Special shout-out to my workshop group, instructor Nathalie, and the organizers at Improtheater Fest Würzburg, as well as to Célia for great recent chats about body listening, physical theatre, and performance.
