bumblebee
Okay I have a bit of a confession. I am quick to admit to the fact that I am a new improviser, but I am sort of embarrassed that it only recently ocurred to me that, although I had taken some classes and done a lot of exploring with my university group, I really had almost no experience actually performing improv in front of an audience when I applied for the Watson! I feel pretty ridiculous about it now... Hilariously that thought didn't cross my mind until yesterday when I was trying to figure out why all of these recent performances have been stressing me out so much! Despite feeling utterly goofy and unaware, I am actually a little glad that I didn't consider that fact beforehand, because if I had I'm sure I would've second-guessed it and I wouldn't be here now. It's a bit of the bumblebee situation - there's some cute (probably not scientific) quote about how aerodynamically, bumblebees shouldn't be able to fly because their bodies are not really designed for it but they never stop to think about it so they go on flying anyway. Except now I've realized I can't fly but I'm already in the air... so I guess I'd better learn?
This realization has had an unexpected effect on me: instead of freaking out and thinking "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE I AM A FRAUD WHAT AM I EVEN DOING" (okay I did think that for a second, but mostly) my response has been more along the lines of "ooooh okay that's why this is kind of hard and stressful and weird sometimes. That makes sense. Okay well now I can learn."
Yesterday I had great luck to participate in Nadine Antler's amazing workshop at the Moose, and one of the first things she said to us at the beginning of class really got through to me and calmed me down. She said a year from now, you'll be better. You can't help but improve. So today, don't worry about it. Just be where you are.
