Shapes & Sizes: Kid talk, Real Talk
I work with kids, and man, it is such political work. Today I found myself fumbling through the “bodies come in all different shapes and sizes” talk, and for once it wasn't directly about my own body (I'm kinda used to fielding the common 'why are your eyes crooked why does your hip stick out why are you small why do you have a small head' questions from children, though admittedly that doesn't make them any less painful or awkward). I couldn't resist joining and honestly kind of derailing a conversation that a group of third-grade girls were having about their moms' weights and diets and caveman diets and what was Good and Fine and what was Very Very Bad in the realm of Health and Size.
Bewildered, I tried to champion the fact that fat or skinny aren't bad or good, that a lot of people have strong feelings about fat and that bodies can be healthy at any size, that bodies are all different and even though healthy lifestyles are important that can mean different things for different people... but I don't think I did so very gracefully. I sometimes leave these conversations wondering whether I just added meaninglessly to the chaotic rumble of screwed up body-talk that these kids are bombarded with daily. I wonder whether my message was clear enough and gentle enough to be understood, and not just alienate a kid that reads me as “correcting” them. It's always so hard to tell what someone gets out of a given conversation or interaction, and it all feels SO hard and high-stakes when kids are involved. They're freakin sponges. But I guess I have to be gentle: I am not perfect and this stuff takes practice. If anyone reading has thoughts or suggestions (or practice talking to kiddos about this stuff!) I'd love to hear from you!
Some quotes/articles I'm thinking about:
“We lose a tremendous opportunity to engage with children about true self-care when we put so many resources into focusing on weight as a metric for health. I wish every child could learn that taking care of ourselves means attending to all of our needs, not least our needs for community, meaning, and sustainability. We also need to find ways to combat the ubiquitous cultural messages valuing narcissism, consumerism, and superficial appearance, the earlier in life the better.” - Fall Ferguson; A Health At Every Size Model For Our Children http://healthateverysizeblog.org/2013/02/19/haes-matters-a-health-at-every-size-model-for-our-children/
“Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself. Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say 'I’m not eating carbs right now.' Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.” - Sarah Koppelkam; How to Talk to Your Daughter About Her Body (Some of this bothers me a lot and some of it I think is useful). http://hopeave.wordpress.com/2013/07/29/how-to-talk-to-your-daughter-about-her-body/
“The hypothalamus regulates the body's feeling of hunger and satiety—the full feeling you get after you've eaten a meal. One of the jobs of the hypothalamus is to keep you as close to your set-point weight as possible. When you go on a diet and lose weight, your hypothalamus interprets the sudden weight loss as a problem somewhere in the body. It will do whatever it can to get you back to your set-point weight. The hypothalamus will release hormones to increase your appetite. It will slow down your metabolism, so you don't lose weight quickly. It will even make you feel more lethargic, or sluggish, and less likely to exercise. Dieting can backfire by resetting your set-point weight at a higher level, to protect your body against the sudden changes of future diets. 'No one who diets is fit,' Bacon says, 'because dieting hurts your metabolism, and your metabolism determines how your body uses energy.'” - Mary Schons; Fat, Thin, Short, Tall, We Can Be Healthy At Any Size http://education.nationalgeographic.com/education/news/health-every-size/?ar_a=1
