On blogging intentions and internet rabbit holes

Almost two months later, this is still very unreal to me. Perhaps it will be for a long, long time. But now that I’m done with school (?!) I’ve been clearing out space enough to finally open a window into the enormity of bewilderment, anticipation, gratitude, enthusiasm, love, and fear that I have toward this impending adventure. There is so much to be done – from immunizations to housing to background research – which I am on the precipice of plunging into. For now though, I’m trying to stay in the moment – passing along Grove House responsibilities, packing up my room (veeeery slowly), writing letters, etc – and let my thoughts for this summer and year fall loosely. One thought that’s been settling in the back of my mind is how I want to treat this little blog of mine, what are my intentions for it? I hope to enter this year with utmost intention – I feel like it’s the least I can do having been granted such an absurd and extraordinary privilege! Much of my desire to maintain a blog is grounded in the acknowledgement that my receiving a Watson was no solo act – this is contingent upon the care, love, guidance, and support of so, so, so many people.

I have to admit that I am both honored and terrified by the trust that people apparently have in me to do this… I so intensely want to give it back to the world in any way that I can. Perhaps part of how I conceptualize that, being the narrative nerd that I am, is by making some of my stories available to the people who allow me to live them. This blog is a humble offering to family, friends, peers, mentors, strangers, acquaintances, fellow improvisers and everyone who in some intricate way puts up with my antics and gives me permission to be who I am each day, allowing me this opportunity.

Being finished with school lets me spend more time away from the computer, which has pushed me to reflect on my not-always-satisfying relationship with the internet. Looking back on the first time I lived abroad (which feels so long ago now – just after graduating from high school – and also one of few international travel experiences I’ve had), I spent a lot of time homesick and on the computer. I’m torn between wanting to steer away from the internet as a means of procrastinating or disengaging from loneliness and the reality that it’s kinda useful! Honestly, social media will be extremely helpful in researching and connecting me to world-wide improvisers. Also, keeping in touch is very difficult for but also important to me. My GREATEST concern is that people will somehow not know how deeply I love and value them. If you’re reading this and we haven’t spoken in a while, please know that I appreciate, care about, and think of you often – people from all stages and facets of my life are constantly running through my mind! I suppose what I’m getting at is that my relationship to blogging, to social media, to the internet, to privacy and publicness (especially after living in a public house for the past year!), is a confused one that I’m still working out. Right now I’ll make no commitments about how regularly this will be updated, but I do offer it to you in whatever form it takes.

Improv, after all, is so deeply about connecting with an audience!